Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I understand Curling. That high.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
