and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
