You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
