Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We left the knife in your bed.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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