Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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