He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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