thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize