its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
