She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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