Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I want a musical about memes.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
