guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
