The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
