Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
