Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
