I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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