Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
not ubering you a puppy
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
