I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
