Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
