i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
