Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
