I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
