Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
