All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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