Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
