I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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