he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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