I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
