Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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