Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
