I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
