Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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