I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize