I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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