I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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