12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I would fuck him just for his dog
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
