also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
