Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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