I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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