Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize