o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
