I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
