Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize