I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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