i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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