just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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