She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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