Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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