At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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