just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
