Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
