the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize