my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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