i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I love having hate sex.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
