My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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