she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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