i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
