I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
