if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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