why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
and she was petting her beer can
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
