apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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