the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
