how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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