I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize