youre lurking in front of me
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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