I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
