It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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