I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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