I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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