Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
