Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize