I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
