You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
