woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
