Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize