While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
