There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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