Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You pole danced in your parka.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
