you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
