I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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