i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
