I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
