yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
