it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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