after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize