bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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