It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
