Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There r osticjed everywhere
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
