He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
tell me about the fingering
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize