GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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