I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
