apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
