I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
