I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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