I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
