Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
