remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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