im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
