I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
