I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
